Tuesday, July 25, 2006

The seventh seal has been broken

Well, it's official: The end is nigh. Civilization has finally brought forth it's own undoing.

It was a good run. We had some laughs.

But it was inevitable wasn't it? Our meddling ways were going to get us in trouble eventually. I guess we just figured global warming would do us in first.

I know what you're thinking: "Oh, no. Not another rant about the world ending because some trivial piece of societal garbage is getting a face-lift." Not to worry, that's not why I think humanity is doomed - - although we are. That would be crazy. No, this is bigger than that.

Monopoly is a dangerous game, friend. Feuds have raged. Families have been torn asunder. And now, nations will crumble. As everyone knows, no game of Monopoly can end until at least three of the players are no longer speaking to each other. There's also something in there about properties, or railroads, or goats - - I don't know, the not speaking thing seems to be key. Fortunately, like control rods in a nuclear reactor, the hassle of setting up, counting, and distributing all of that play money is enough to discourage all but the most determined players.

But (if you'll allow me to continue my reactor simile), remove those control rods and you've got yourself a self-sustaining reaction that won't end until there's a big crater where your TV used to be. Take away the Monopoly money and the rules of decorum and respect which hold together our society will be ripped apart with each new hotel on Atlantic Avenue. If everyone is playing, then everyone is fighting. What's to be done when heads of state sit down for a friendly game? You don't want the guy with the suitcase full of launch codes arguing with the Russian Prime Minister about whether the role counts if it hits the floor. Who's going to mediate when North Korea and South Korea get into it about whether or not you get anything for landing on Free Parking.

So go ahead and replace our cash with a debit card, Parker Brothers. Pull in those casual gamers. Turn those lazy summer Sundays into bloody Sundays if you will. Once you've opened the flood gates, there's no going back. You know, unless you close the flood gates or whatever.

Should I have ended stronger there? Ugh, I always do that. Got to work on that. What? The microphone is still on? Oh, right . . .


Monopoly Replaces Cash With Debit Card - Gizmodo

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